You know I was looking at old, pictures that really should be placed in albums to view them properly. I love photos but I haven't done a good job of organizing them for ultimate viewing pleasure. It just so happens, that when my son told me he needed pictures for a class assignment by tomorrow, I had to go digging. I unearthed some photos that I haven't viewed in a long time.
It seemed like a different life back then. Babies and toddlers and smiles and trips taken and just the everyday stuff of life.
So that got me thinking that I should add more pictures to my blog, but I haven't taken the time to learn how. I was also thinking about adding links and was looking up some links that I've saved on the family Mac computer. I love the title for the stored links. It's the Bookmarks Bar in place of Favorites in Windows. I get a real kick out of it every time I open it because, that's about as exciting as my life has been lately.
I often frequent the bar. Get it!
In all seriousness. At this stage in life, I think we're not looking so much behind us as we are looking ahead whether we care to admit it or not.
The question was posed to me in my Sacramental Preparation class of middle schoolers, what came before God or how did God come into being. Isn't that the million dollar question. I responded, it's a mystery. I did say, however, the reason we are here on earth is to know, love and serve God. If you really think about it, minus all the external stuff, why are we here on this earth. What is our ultimate purpose. We have to be connected to God.
Have you ever wondered if there is a wrinkle in time, akin to the famous book by Madame L'Engle.
From pictures to bars to the creation of time. I'm all over the board tonight. This is the way I usually write in my journal. I'll try to be a bit more focused next time.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
I'm Not in the Mood for Writing
I'm not in the mood for writing, but I thought I would put pen to paper again. I revised my resume and brought it somewhat up-to-date. I'm not sure of all the places I might apply, but at least it will be handy. I want to get a part time job to supplement me while I'm learning the insurance job. Maybe I'm just dreaming, but when the pressure is on the cooks get out of the kitchen, or something like that.
Lent is already half through and I don't feel that sense of desert. I gave up listening to music, which is kind of refreshing and I gave up drinking alcohol, mainly wine, because I wanted to see if it had an effect on me. I do crave it from time to time and I just read in the paper today that moderate drinking of alcoholic beverages may keep weight off. I bet you it gives you more wrinkles though. You just can't win.
I went to a faith class today with the theme of prayer. Prayer seems to come to me so naturally now, and it's nice to know that there are many different forms. It was interesting to remember how we prayed as children and how we pray as adults now. I mainly ask God to accept me as I am, because, lately I'm having a hard time accepting myself so I've decided to let God do the work. I'm trying to relinquish control, so why not do that with prayer from time to time.
I think this Lent, I've decided that I'm in limbo. Maybe that constitutes desert. Sometimes I don't really feel like I'm fully living but I'm not dead yet either. Maybe it's because I've decided to go a year, a whole year!, without buying clothes except for the occasional pair of socks. I wonder if I'll extend it to shoes and purses also. Spring, summer and fall are the hardest time not to buy clothes. I'll just have to stay out of the stores. I think I will still buy makeup, though. I have to have a little pick-me-up. My closet is full and I don't really need clothes-- I just love them, that's the problem. I'm doing partly to save money and pay off some debt and partly to see if I can do it. I'm not one for making goals all the time and this is not tied to any New Year's resolution. It just came to me one day.
Well, for not wanting to write, I think I did a pretty good job. I should write more often but my follower base is sparce so I'm not as compelled to do it.
Lent is already half through and I don't feel that sense of desert. I gave up listening to music, which is kind of refreshing and I gave up drinking alcohol, mainly wine, because I wanted to see if it had an effect on me. I do crave it from time to time and I just read in the paper today that moderate drinking of alcoholic beverages may keep weight off. I bet you it gives you more wrinkles though. You just can't win.
I went to a faith class today with the theme of prayer. Prayer seems to come to me so naturally now, and it's nice to know that there are many different forms. It was interesting to remember how we prayed as children and how we pray as adults now. I mainly ask God to accept me as I am, because, lately I'm having a hard time accepting myself so I've decided to let God do the work. I'm trying to relinquish control, so why not do that with prayer from time to time.
I think this Lent, I've decided that I'm in limbo. Maybe that constitutes desert. Sometimes I don't really feel like I'm fully living but I'm not dead yet either. Maybe it's because I've decided to go a year, a whole year!, without buying clothes except for the occasional pair of socks. I wonder if I'll extend it to shoes and purses also. Spring, summer and fall are the hardest time not to buy clothes. I'll just have to stay out of the stores. I think I will still buy makeup, though. I have to have a little pick-me-up. My closet is full and I don't really need clothes-- I just love them, that's the problem. I'm doing partly to save money and pay off some debt and partly to see if I can do it. I'm not one for making goals all the time and this is not tied to any New Year's resolution. It just came to me one day.
Well, for not wanting to write, I think I did a pretty good job. I should write more often but my follower base is sparce so I'm not as compelled to do it.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
It's Lent Now
Remember man you are dust and unto dust you shall return. It is lent now. I think I've decided that this is one of my favorite church seasons. I think it's because I'm so introspective and I'm all about introspection. In fact, I can't get enough of it. I'm always drawing into myself, into my little universe which actually happens to be quite large, especially on certain days.
Don't get me wrong, I do move about in the world, but the inner galaxy is always there. It actually fits into my heart. Some days, I feel like my heart is so deep and so vast and so wide that no one could understand it, except God. He is there with me and I like to think that I am projecting His presence to the world.
When I was growing up, this was always such an awkward time of year and I think that part of the reason is because of the growing length of days. It wasn't quite light yet but it wasn't dark either. During Lent, we would say the rosary as a family every Friday evening, six kids and parents, kneeling, wrapped around their bed. There were complaints, but it is something that I will always remember, something that I still try to carry on with my children.
I learned recently that Lent means to lean, to lean toward the light. Just like the opening blossoms seeking out the sun's warmth. Our bodies feel it too--still, not quite light but not dark either. Perhaps, it's gray. Opening our hearts to the Son's coming Resurrection.
Blossoms open the early spring.
Don't get me wrong, I do move about in the world, but the inner galaxy is always there. It actually fits into my heart. Some days, I feel like my heart is so deep and so vast and so wide that no one could understand it, except God. He is there with me and I like to think that I am projecting His presence to the world.
When I was growing up, this was always such an awkward time of year and I think that part of the reason is because of the growing length of days. It wasn't quite light yet but it wasn't dark either. During Lent, we would say the rosary as a family every Friday evening, six kids and parents, kneeling, wrapped around their bed. There were complaints, but it is something that I will always remember, something that I still try to carry on with my children.
I learned recently that Lent means to lean, to lean toward the light. Just like the opening blossoms seeking out the sun's warmth. Our bodies feel it too--still, not quite light but not dark either. Perhaps, it's gray. Opening our hearts to the Son's coming Resurrection.
Blossoms open the early spring.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
1000 Calorie Lunch
I know it's been a while since I've posted but I'm pretty much the only person reading my own blog.
I decided a couple of years ago that I wasn't going to make any more New Year's resolutions. I think about changes I can or need to make but I don't necessarily resolve to carry them through. It's my propensity to a frequent non-committal nature. Some people might call it lack of drive. I call it living spontaneously. About the only thing I did resolve to do was clean the inside window's of my mini-van so that I can see life passing me by more clearly and because it's really hard to see at night with an interior film on your windows.
I made no dietary changes. In fact, I ate "in" at McDonald's after not having worked out for about two weeks. I went for a quick workout today, which included the weights that allow me to do squats. I only do squats if the bar is set where I want it, otherwise I really never change it around because it's a hassle. Well, after the workout, I felt like a little ol' McDonald's cheeseburger. I decided that fries and a Coke would go nicely with it. I usually order the child-sized drinks because it's fewer calories. To top it off, I ordered an Oreo McFlurry just because it sounded good and after a workout who couldn't afford a few extra calories. (Contradictory with the previous sentence, I know.)
I was by myself and I sat at a corner booth. When I'm eating out by myself which I do frequently, I either look at other people or perhaps I have something to read. I don't try to act overly busy just to fake that I'm not feeling alone. I just live with it. It turns out that the tray paper had a McDonald's advertisement on it for their new Big Mac wrapped in a tortilla, minus the bun, of course. Yum!????! It didn't look very appetizing but upon further study of the ad I noticed.....no, became enthralled with the subliminal pictures. Of course there were the usual faces that I see in almost everything and then there were what looked like ahem....., body parts. You know what I mean. Well, I suppose that's the nature of the advertising beast these days. In my day and age, subliminal advertising consisted of slick magazine advertisements with skulls and the word sex or something like that placed subliminally in the photograph of the glass of wiskey and water that went undetected by the typical consumer. I'm not making this up.
In between studying the picture of the yummy tortilla burger and listening to the people two booths ahead of me speaking in a lanquage that I couldn't decipher, I noticed a plug on the sheet to turn it over to learn about the nutritional facts of McDonald's food products. Cheeseburger, 300 calories; small french fries 260 calories, small Coke 150 calorie; Oreo McFlurry 560 whoa!!!! calories. Over 1000 calories. My trip to the gym had been nullified. Oh well, it felt good to work the old muscles again. I'll need to eat less tomorrow.
You know, I'm a very curious person and I just had to ask what language the group of people next to me was speaking. They told me it was Somalian. They were from the island of Somalia. I would love to hear their story. Maybe next time. I have my eye on an ice cream cone hand-dipped in chocolate. The kind that hardens into a soft shell over the ice cream. I haven't had one of those in ages.
I decided a couple of years ago that I wasn't going to make any more New Year's resolutions. I think about changes I can or need to make but I don't necessarily resolve to carry them through. It's my propensity to a frequent non-committal nature. Some people might call it lack of drive. I call it living spontaneously. About the only thing I did resolve to do was clean the inside window's of my mini-van so that I can see life passing me by more clearly and because it's really hard to see at night with an interior film on your windows.
I made no dietary changes. In fact, I ate "in" at McDonald's after not having worked out for about two weeks. I went for a quick workout today, which included the weights that allow me to do squats. I only do squats if the bar is set where I want it, otherwise I really never change it around because it's a hassle. Well, after the workout, I felt like a little ol' McDonald's cheeseburger. I decided that fries and a Coke would go nicely with it. I usually order the child-sized drinks because it's fewer calories. To top it off, I ordered an Oreo McFlurry just because it sounded good and after a workout who couldn't afford a few extra calories. (Contradictory with the previous sentence, I know.)
I was by myself and I sat at a corner booth. When I'm eating out by myself which I do frequently, I either look at other people or perhaps I have something to read. I don't try to act overly busy just to fake that I'm not feeling alone. I just live with it. It turns out that the tray paper had a McDonald's advertisement on it for their new Big Mac wrapped in a tortilla, minus the bun, of course. Yum!????! It didn't look very appetizing but upon further study of the ad I noticed.....no, became enthralled with the subliminal pictures. Of course there were the usual faces that I see in almost everything and then there were what looked like ahem....., body parts. You know what I mean. Well, I suppose that's the nature of the advertising beast these days. In my day and age, subliminal advertising consisted of slick magazine advertisements with skulls and the word sex or something like that placed subliminally in the photograph of the glass of wiskey and water that went undetected by the typical consumer. I'm not making this up.
In between studying the picture of the yummy tortilla burger and listening to the people two booths ahead of me speaking in a lanquage that I couldn't decipher, I noticed a plug on the sheet to turn it over to learn about the nutritional facts of McDonald's food products. Cheeseburger, 300 calories; small french fries 260 calories, small Coke 150 calorie; Oreo McFlurry 560 whoa!!!! calories. Over 1000 calories. My trip to the gym had been nullified. Oh well, it felt good to work the old muscles again. I'll need to eat less tomorrow.
You know, I'm a very curious person and I just had to ask what language the group of people next to me was speaking. They told me it was Somalian. They were from the island of Somalia. I would love to hear their story. Maybe next time. I have my eye on an ice cream cone hand-dipped in chocolate. The kind that hardens into a soft shell over the ice cream. I haven't had one of those in ages.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Pearls of Great Price
It's really amazing how Jesus has the power to transform our lives. I had always wondered what the "pearl of great price" meant and for me, it is the realization of God's creative breath coursing through our veins. It is Jesus' life that we receive in the Eucharist, in the Church body, in the priest's inspired homily acting as the Head of the Body of Christ and in The Word or Holy Scripture that is inspired by God. It is in our domestic church's, our homes. It is in every interaction.
Some days I can feel this powerful, transforming power in the world around me and other times it comes from deep within on Jesus' signature written on my heart. For me, I can sometimes feel this "pearl" when I'm lost in the moment, when I'm listening to great music, writing a piece of poetry and not really knowing where the words are coming from, or when I capture a great shot with my camera, or when the sun just shines a certain way through the fall leaves or when the forceful wind blows them to the ground to meet their demise. It all seems to be part of a cycle--a creative cycle, nature's cycle, life's cycle. Circles within circles.
Jesus' death was such a self-giving act, so that we can have more life because of it. What I have found lately, is that my encountering his passion, death and resurrection through the Mass is True Life lain upon the altar. This Truth is what I have to base all other truths on. We remember him best by way of the Cross present above our altar. I suppose it is the crosses in our lives which make the biggest impact and the joys that much more sweet or bittersweet.
Sometimes the pearls are found deep within the closets we're trying to clean out.
Some days I can feel this powerful, transforming power in the world around me and other times it comes from deep within on Jesus' signature written on my heart. For me, I can sometimes feel this "pearl" when I'm lost in the moment, when I'm listening to great music, writing a piece of poetry and not really knowing where the words are coming from, or when I capture a great shot with my camera, or when the sun just shines a certain way through the fall leaves or when the forceful wind blows them to the ground to meet their demise. It all seems to be part of a cycle--a creative cycle, nature's cycle, life's cycle. Circles within circles.
Jesus' death was such a self-giving act, so that we can have more life because of it. What I have found lately, is that my encountering his passion, death and resurrection through the Mass is True Life lain upon the altar. This Truth is what I have to base all other truths on. We remember him best by way of the Cross present above our altar. I suppose it is the crosses in our lives which make the biggest impact and the joys that much more sweet or bittersweet.
Sometimes the pearls are found deep within the closets we're trying to clean out.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Piano Concert
I went to a piano concert yesterday at my church. It was the third year that I've gone to see Michael Allen Harrison play there. His music reminds me of George Winston and he plays variations on existing tunes and composes his own music as well. He is very talented and is very personable. I really like listening to the variations he makes on the music. This year he played along with his violinist son and they both played well together and I'll have to get one of their CD's when they come out this winter.
The listening crowd was older, as it was a fundraiser for the local Catholic high school. My husband and I were sitting near the back of the church so we couldn't see him that well but it was nice to listen to the music and hold my eyes up at the image of the crucifix. The Blessed Sacrament had been removed and the Tabernacle was left open. Most of the time I remained very still, without fidgeting. I'm really good at that. Fidgeting is a distraction. When I remain as still as a stone, I can focus more. However, when a jazzy tune was played, I subtly just had to move. I can't help that music does that to me. Other people expressed themselves with movement somewhat but I noticed the majority did not.
That being said, I read a small commentary relating to Sunday's readings in my Magnificat yesterday that spoke of when Jesus comes again it will not be the end of the world but merely the end of the world as we know it. God will make all things new. Lately, I'll take things that I read or even hear about and pick a song to listen to that relates to it. I have a wide taste in music so this commentary reminded me of the song by R.E.M. It's the End of the World as We Know It. I pulled it up on utube and went to town. I have not danced like that in ages. It's very fast and kind of a headbanger type song but it felt so good to MOVE, especially after sitting so still yesterday.
I have been asking my husband and friends to go dancing lately. We went recently but I felt the music was too slow. I must be having a midlife something with the music and braces and all.
The listening crowd was older, as it was a fundraiser for the local Catholic high school. My husband and I were sitting near the back of the church so we couldn't see him that well but it was nice to listen to the music and hold my eyes up at the image of the crucifix. The Blessed Sacrament had been removed and the Tabernacle was left open. Most of the time I remained very still, without fidgeting. I'm really good at that. Fidgeting is a distraction. When I remain as still as a stone, I can focus more. However, when a jazzy tune was played, I subtly just had to move. I can't help that music does that to me. Other people expressed themselves with movement somewhat but I noticed the majority did not.
That being said, I read a small commentary relating to Sunday's readings in my Magnificat yesterday that spoke of when Jesus comes again it will not be the end of the world but merely the end of the world as we know it. God will make all things new. Lately, I'll take things that I read or even hear about and pick a song to listen to that relates to it. I have a wide taste in music so this commentary reminded me of the song by R.E.M. It's the End of the World as We Know It. I pulled it up on utube and went to town. I have not danced like that in ages. It's very fast and kind of a headbanger type song but it felt so good to MOVE, especially after sitting so still yesterday.
I have been asking my husband and friends to go dancing lately. We went recently but I felt the music was too slow. I must be having a midlife something with the music and braces and all.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Braces for the Aged
I'm 47 years old and I just received a brand new, shiny set of metal orthodontic braces. I've been thinking about getting braces for a while and now my smile resembles Jaws in an old James Bond movie. I know they have the clear brackets, but they suggested metal as I drink coffee and glass ones are bulkier. I guess 18 months is not a lifetime.
I read the readings for November 10th and the first reading which was from the Book of Wisdom has a line...Chastised a little, they shall be greatly blessed, because God tried them and found them worthy of himself. as gold in the furnace, he proved them...thus the name of this blog. I just can't believe the reading fell in line within a week of me creating the name for this blog. Coincidence some say, but not for me. This happens to me all the time.
Sometimes life can be restraining, just like these braces on my teeth, but eventually the braces will shape a "new smile" for me just like life reshapes us into what God has willed for us. Just like the braces, sometimes it isn't pretty, and it can be painful but God is perfect and we hope in the end product, our final destination, an eternity with Him or in the case of braces, a picture perfect smile.
I read the readings for November 10th and the first reading which was from the Book of Wisdom has a line...Chastised a little, they shall be greatly blessed, because God tried them and found them worthy of himself. as gold in the furnace, he proved them...thus the name of this blog. I just can't believe the reading fell in line within a week of me creating the name for this blog. Coincidence some say, but not for me. This happens to me all the time.
Sometimes life can be restraining, just like these braces on my teeth, but eventually the braces will shape a "new smile" for me just like life reshapes us into what God has willed for us. Just like the braces, sometimes it isn't pretty, and it can be painful but God is perfect and we hope in the end product, our final destination, an eternity with Him or in the case of braces, a picture perfect smile.
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